if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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