You work out of a Hotel?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
