Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
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In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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