a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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