Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you never un-have a 4some
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
