I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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