Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
