Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
