if you like me you must not know who I am
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
