My friends, they love my intelligence
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
