I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
