no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
