I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
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