She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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