yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
