I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
