That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize