i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
