the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
