i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
