and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
