Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
