dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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