He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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