I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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