First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
