Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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