You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
