well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
