I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
