I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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