I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
