Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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