he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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