Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
