I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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