It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
