complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
this hospital has no fireball
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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