im having a threesome with these popsicles
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
