I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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