You just made me feel so damn special
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Two words: blizzard sex
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
