I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
even my farts smell like vagina
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Randomize
