hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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