But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
