found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
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I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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