got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
