I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
