I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
