then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
