I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
