We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My vagina is officially offended.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
