just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
