I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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