I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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