I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
No I am not eating basil off your cock
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He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
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I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize