when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
