I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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