legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
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it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
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you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.