Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
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I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome