Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
