JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.