I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize