My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
