what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
