Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
