Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
