Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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