I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
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That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
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You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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