i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
