We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
