how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
