i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
