When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
