Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
