I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
