You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
