i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
