the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
